Not terribly exciting – I agree.
What I’d like to talk about instead is the idea of personal growth.
Personal growth.
Now that sounds more interesting, right? Sounds like something we could all get on board with, in some form or fashion. And for most people, resolutions do have some element of personal growth in their underpinnings.
Yet, something must be missing because most of us have abandoned our resolutions by March. Could it be because we weren’t informed about goal setting?
No, I don’t think so.
I’d like to suggest that we think of this in a different way.
Here goes:
Old Way: The very notion of a resolution implies that we feel there is something about us that is not acceptable and needs to change.
New Way: Why not start with the premise that your deepest self is already perfect.
You are loved just for being who you are, just for existing. You don’t have to do anything to earn it. Your shortcomings, your lack of self-esteem, physical perfection, or social and economic success – none of that matters. No one can take this love away from you, and it will always be here.
~Ram Dass
Old Way: Inherent to resolutions is the idea of success or failure. Since the majority of people give up by March, it suggests that three months into the year, we’ve a) determined we need fixing and b) because we haven’t fixed ourselves, that we are failures. Of course, this also comes with that inner dialogue and judgement about who we are and our abilities to accomplish something. Instead of moving forward, we’ve actually taken a step backward!
New Way: Instead of scrutinizing yourself to find something that needs to be fixed (and judged), why not consider what makes you happy? What actions in your daily life bring you joy? How, can you add more of those moments into your day?
“A flower blossoms for its own joy.”
~Oscar Wilde
Old Way. The fallacy of New Year’s Resolutions is the idea that this is the only time we can make a choice to do or to BE different.
New Way: The truth is, life itself provides us with opportunity to recreate ourselves every day, every moment; truly every second. The hard part is being mindful of these opportunities. But the good news is that if we miss one, we have another chance in the next moment. Like a baby learning to walk, we don’t fail. We simply keep trying.
“Between a stimulus and a response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
~Viktor Frankl
I’d ask you to consider reframing your idea of resolutions and goal setting. Start with the foundation of self-love and self-compassion.
Next, ask what you could do in this moment to elevate your happiness? Hints: smile, yawn, take a deep breath, help someone, listen to music -play music, read a poem, draw, dance, walk in nature, sing, see an old friend.
Finally, be aware. Be open. Be mindful. BE the dazzling self that resides within you and all goodness will flow from there.
Until next time,
Be well
Image by Douglass Kerr ©