“Do not judge me by successes, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again.” Nelson Mandela
These past couple of weeks I have been giving a lot of consideration to the idea of resilience. In my book, From Overwhelmed to Inspired, I talk about the importance of resilience as one of the three keys to success.
Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you felt knocked down, blown away or disheartened? These feelings can emerge as the result of your own actions or situations or circumstances outside of you.
Either way, when this happens we sometimes feel like a victim. It can feel impossible to pick up the pieces, get your footing back or completely recover. I won’t pretend that it is easy. Most of the time it isn’t.
So, how do we get back on the good foot?
When we have fallen flat, sometimes what we’ve been striving for feels like an impossible dream. We feel knocked down, and the climb back up seems insurmountable.
This is the time to simply be still for a moment – or several moments - and think about the goal or the dream you have been seeking. This is not the time to get caught in the quagmire of why you have missed this mark.
Instead, this is the time to dig a little deeper. Wallow in it. Ask yourself, “What is the essential value I have in my heart that lead me to selecting this goal?”
Take for example someone trying to lose weight whose diet has failed - yet again. While it may seem that weight loss is the goal, the underlying value might be spending vibrant quality time with family or friends. Weight loss is just one avenue to enrich the underlying value of healthy family and friendship relations.
Exploring the underlying values that are the basis of our goals and aspirations helps to reaffirm our commitment to those values and possibly determine that our goals were not truly reflecting our values. Either way, it gives us a chance to map out a new path to achieving success.
Take a moment now to consider a time when you felt defeated or as though you had failed at something that mattered to you. Make a mental picture of the circumstance.
Now ask yourself - not why was it important – but, “What was the core value that led me to this goal, aspiration or desire?”
We have already mentioned one value, quality relationships. Here are a few more ideas:
- Mutual respect
- Harmony
- Compassion
- Kindness
- Joyful expression
- Honesty
- Integrity
- Education
What comes to mind for you and your situation?
Naming your value(s) helps to reaffirm the virtue of your aspirations. It helps you to say to yourself, “Yes, my intentions are worthy and well intentioned!”
Next, examine the method you chose (and failed at) to attain your goal.
In the diet example, perhaps that diet was just not the right choice for your body type, age or current state of health.
Whatever method you chose to achieve your goal, remember – the underlying value is the purpose for the goal.
Now make a short list of alternative directions you can take that will support your underlying value. In our dieting example, it may be seeking professional help to find a program that is just right for you, incorporating more exercise into your daily routine or participating in a weight loss or exercise program that involves family or friends.
Using your underlying value system as a compass, map out a new course that will help you attain your desired goal and stay true to your core.
Remember, your good intentions and your sincere actions based on those intentions, create a ripple effect like a pebble in a pond. Even the smallest pebble can create change. So don’t give up.
You can always choose to honor your core values. When one avenue fails, seek out a new path.
“You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.” Maya Angelou
Until next time,
Be Well
P.S. From Overwhelmed to Inspired should be available in time for the holidays and definitely for those New Years resolutions. I will keep you posted!